The Parent Trap
"The Parent Trap" is the 38th episode of Once Upon a Virus. Summary Knowing that Joe isn't being "rightfully" punished, the Kahns decide to take matters into their own hands. Joe himself, meanwhile, laments the loss of Liz, while his possessed girlfriend decides to splash in and have herself a little fun before committing herself to her mission. And in flashbacks, we see more of Joe's life with his dreaded adoptive parents. Plot "All those things we saw… what the hell kind of madhouse is this town?" Mike asks his wife in their room at the Storywik B&B. "I don't know," Gabrielle admits, "But that doesn't matter right now." "It doesn't?" "No," she assures, "What matters is that sonny-dearest isn't getting the punishment he deserves, so, the question is, how do we take matters into our own hands?" "I don't care as long as we get to leave this whacko place as soon as possible," says Mike. "Hmmm… wait! Did you bring…?" Gabrielle inquires; her husband smiles. He delves into one of their suitcases and eventually pulls out a hand gun. His wife smiles at the sight of it. Mike does the same and comments, "That ungrateful son of a bitch will pay for ever defying us." Said son of a bitch, meanwhile, is currently standing in Liz's apartment. It all suddenly comes rushing back to him – how happy he felt when they were kissing, and how hard it is to have her running around now without it really being her. A tear comes to his eye but he quickly wipes it away with his finger, attempting to shrug away his feelings and do what he came there to do. Soon enough, he spots the box of things he brought with him when planning to move in with the sheriff and he picks it up, beginning to exit the apartment with it in tow. "I'm surprised you came back," says a familiar voice suddenly, and Joe drops the box in shock as he turns around to see Liz standing there, all bot-possessed and compassionless. "What are you doing here?" Joe wonders. "This is my home," Liz points out, but Joe refutes this, saying that this is Liz's home. "And I am Liz," she makes clear, "I have all her memories, all her quirks… I'm bonded to her forever now. Grafted permanently to her soul. We are one." "You're not her… you're some… parasite, trying to imitate a human." "Waa, waa, waa," she exclaims mockingly, "Sorry you got dumped and all, but there's really no need to be nasty. This should be a time of rejoice!" "What now?" "Soon enough, lover boy… I'm gonna flip the switch inside your head, and then this world is gonna go bye-bye in the most amazing of ways. Oh, I just can't wait!" "Then why do you?" Joe asks. "Huh?" "Why not just gut me right here and now?" he wonders. "Oh, honey… I have much better plans in mind." In flashback, the Kahns are watching television and allowing Joe to sit with them in the living room under the pretence that he serve them drinks. "Boy!" Mike exclaims, "Top up my scotch." Joe rushes over to his adoptive father with the bottle and refills his glass; he isn't thanked, but he's allowed to go back to sitting in one of their nice armchairs without protest (although Gabrielle does make a few disapproving eyes at him). Soon, the phone on the end table starts to ring, and Gabrielle answers it. "Hello, Kahn residence, how may I help you?... Oh, hello Mrs. Silver," she composes herself a little and Mike looks noticeably worried. Joe too is surprised. Gabrielle continues her phone conversation, and, when she hangs up, her husband asks her what it is that Joe's social worker had to say. "She's coming over… she wants to see how he's settling in," Gabrielle reveals. Mike's eyes widen a little, and Joe asks them if they're going to let her see the basement in which he sleeps. They make indignant eyes at him, but Gabrielle soon assures him, "No… I have a much better plan in mind." "What do you mean when you say that?" Joe asks Liz, still in her apartment. "You'll see," she says, moving to pack his stuff back into his dropped box. She hands it to him and asks him to leave. He takes the box and stares at her angrily. "Aw, don't be upset… kiss for old time's sake?" "I don't make out with monsters," he assures. "Then just go, k?" Finally, Joe exits the apartment and Liz skips on into the bedroom. "Not loving this sheriff's uniform," she says, opening up her wardrobe. She stares at herself in the door mirror and begins to undress, taking out more stylish items of clothing and holding them up to herself. "Liz was so uptight before… but why? Metal boobs might be for some people, I guess, but… why do girls get themselves to tied down by 'rules' and such? Jdg98 will happen eventually, but, for now…" she selects a tight tank top and some leather pants to put on, "Why not splash in and have fun?" Joe returns to The Sword and Hammer with his box of stuff in tow. Josh is also there and greets his grandson, who gives an awkward nod in exchange, remembering the awful vision shown to him by Dlrgirl75. "Hey, Joe," Dlrgirl herself calls from a nearby table; she's nursing a beer. "Hey Dlr," Joe replies, sitting next to her, but she tells him that she prefers Rachel now. She sees the box of stuff which he sets down and remembers that he doesn't have a place to live, offering her condolences. "Nah, it's okay, I can just continue to stay upstairs with Tiago," Joe says, "Although I've barely spent the night in this town since before the Virus was deactivated." "Wait!" Rachel exclaims, "Idea time!" "Huh?" "As in, I have one." "Oh." "Move in with me!" she suggests. "You have a place?" Joe questions. "Well, Mary's place. But it has my old bottle in it so I guess that's my old place. But yeah, we should totally be roomies!" "Um… sure, I guess," Joe nods, and Rachel gives a happy exclamation, hugging Joe. "How many have you had?" Joe wonders, glancing at her beer, but she assures him that this is her first one – she's just taking her mind off of her magic for now and enjoying the fact that she's finally human. Joe is proud of her, and she smiles, then asking when he wants to move in. "You're going to be moving into the guest bedroom for a couple of days," Gabrielle tells Joe in flashback. "Why can't I stay there permanently?" Joe wonders. "In case we have guests, duh," Mike adds. "And why should I even lie to my social worker? I like Samantha…" Joe tells them. "Because if you don't, we will personally see to it that you're flung back into the system. We will find the worst home imaginable. One with bars on the windows. It will make your stay here look like a trip to freakin' Disneyland. Am I clear?" asks Gabrielle. Joe gulps, and nods. Joe is still sitting with Rachel at the bar, but she says that she has to be getting home to their apartment (she smiles) and bids him a goodbye, leaving him alone with Josh. He stares cautiously at his grandfather, who's waiting for his daughter to return from the backroom. Soon enough, she does, along with Rena and Tiago. "Good," says Rena, "All you guys are here." "Good?" Joe questions. "Yes," Lady nods, "Rena and I… we have some news." "And, just to be clear… this is good news?" Joe questions yet again. "Yes," Rena assures, confused, and Joe just points out what a rarity that is where they live; "Go on." After a pause, Justine finally exclaims, "We're pregnant!" All three of their nearest and dearest appear shocked, and Tiago laughs, hugging his son and daughter-in-law and offering free champagne to everyone – except Lady, of course, whom he offers sparkling water. Josh goes to hug his daughter and Joe doesn't like it. He doesn't like seeing the Evil Bureaucrat near his parents anymore. "Joe?" Rena asks his son, approaching, "Aren't you happy?" "Oh," he replies, "Sure." "Obviously, we're only telling you guys," Justine continues, "We don't really want this getting out, what with Liz roaming the town and all…" Liz is out at Cybertonics, clubbing with the rest of Storywik's less-reputable characters. While dancing and drinking with the others, she bumps into Matthew van Persie, and she asks him, "Didn't I possess you a couple days back?" "Huh?" he questions. "Hi, I'm Liz," she introduces herself, "Wanna dance?" "Sure," he says, and soon the two of them are together in the crowd, enjoying the loud music. Liz's dancing turns wildly provocative, not that Matthew minds much because it's giving him plenty of opportunities to grab her ass. "Naughty," she tells him, revealing her black veins and lips, and he realizes what she is. Excited, he walks her into a quieter part of the club and realizes further what she meant when she first approached him. "You're the bot that possessed me yesterday. I… I spent so long trying to accomplish that. Can you… do it again? Please. Please. I… I need that." "Soz, babe," Liz replies, "I'm bonded to this girl permanently. She's pretty, don't you think?" "I do," Matthew nods. "I was in your head. I know how badly you want this bot inside of you," Liz whispers in his ear, "But how about we switch that around a little?" "There's a lovely alleyway out back," Matthew tells her. "I remember it well," she assures, leading him outside. "Hey, Joe," says Rena, everyone having finished their champagne in The Sword and Hammer, "Can I see you in the back room for a second?" "Sure," says Joe, walking with his father past the bar and into the building's other segment by the stairs. "What is it?" Joe wonders. "Well," Rena begins, "When you told me about you and Liz travelling in time, I realized that you were the one who saved me from those Black Mods all those years ago, and I gave you something for it." "The sword," Joe remembers fondly, "I… wasn't able to bring it with me." "That's okay," Rena assures, "Because, when the Virus hit, that sword reappeared in our collection." He opens up a nearby chest and takes the same sword he gifted Joe (see "Another Time") out of it, handing it to his son, "I want you to take it, and keep it this time." "Thank you…" Joe utters, taking the sword; this clearly means a lot to him. "It suits you. You know, in case you're ever in a battle that archery can't win." Joe hugs his father, and tells him, "You're a great dad." "Mike is a great dad," Joe tells his social worker, Samantha Silver, in flashback, "And Gabrielle's a great mom. I'm lucky to be living here with them." "Well, I'm glad to hear it," Samantha says, scribbling things down on a clip board. The Kahns themselves are sat in the room with them, nodding and making eyes at Joe to ensure that he doesn't screw them over. "But, if you don't mind, I'd quite like to talk to you alone," Mrs. Silver tells him, then turning to his adoptive parents and asking, "Is that okay?" "Oh, you want us to leave?" Gabrielle questions. "Are you sure?" Mike asks. "Quite sure…" Samantha says, and the two of them reluctantly get up, again making evil eyes at Joe as they finally vacate the area. "So, let's get down to the real stuff," Samantha begins. Joe exits The Sword and Hammer with his father's sword in tow, as well as his box of stuff, smiling as he begins making his way to Mary's old apartment. It's night time, and the streets are absolutely silent. He basks in this feeling of nothingness for a while, allowing his problems to slip away into the night. When he turns the corner, however, the Kahns are waiting for him. "Going somewhere?" Mike asks, wielding the gun. Joe again drops his things. Joanna too is making her way back to her apartment when Selena emerges from behind. "Hey," she says, startling Peep a little and causing her to turn around. "David…" she utters, "Hey?" "You killed me…" Selena utters. "Oh, yeah," Joanna recalls, "Sorry about that." "Do you really mean that, or… are you just saying it?" "What do you mean?" "Well, it recently occurred to me all the crappy things you've done to me over the years, and when you splattered me like a cheesecake it finally clicked… you don't care about me. I thought, maybe deep down, you did, but… you're a monster!" "David, I wasn't myself when I did that…" Joanna assures. "What about all the stuff before that?" she wonders, crying, "You're awful!" Peep sighs and tells Selena that she just wants to get home and be left alone. "But… but… but…" "Shut up!" Joanna exclaims, getting annoyed now, "If you didn't want to be tossed around your whole life, perhaps you should have considered growing a spine! Oh, but I forgot, insects don't have those. People like you were designed to be crushed. So quit it with this little guilt trip and go back to doing what you do best – being wiped off the shoe of the next unfortunate bitch who has the displeasure of having you buzz around her all day and night. I see scratch marks on your wrists. New hobby? You should continue with it." Joanna begins walking away, and a crying David exclaims, "I can't believe you're a mother!" This hurts Peep, who has yet to visit her daughter and stops momentarily before continuing onwards. "Call me!" Liz tells Matthew as she exits the alley, re-buttoning her leather pants, and she begins making her way back through town. She scales up a roof and begins leaping from building-top to building-top, eventually stopping because she sees Joe being confronted by the Kahns and their gun. "You took everything from us…" says Mike, wielding the weapon, "And so now… we're going to take your life." "Please…" Joe begs, tears in his eyes, "You don't understand what will happen if you fire that. I won't die… but you will." "Is that a threat?" Gabrielle asks, "You're threatening the people with the gun? Rookie move, son…" "Seriously… please…" Joe continues to beg. "You should've thought of this before you stole from us," Mike points out, "Maybe now you'll finally learn your lesson." "What lesson? What the hell is it you've been trying to teach me all these years? All you've done is be horrible parents, can you blame me for taking your damn car? You got it with the checks you received for having me – and that's the only reason you adopted me in the first place! Can you imagine life as a freakin' meal card? It was horrible down there in that basement! You're always calling me 'ungrateful' or whatever… but I had literally nothing to be grateful for. You know, I wish you had sent me to that home with the bars on the windows, at least then I'd have someone to talk to. Do you guys even know my birthday? Or my favorite food? Or anything about me?!" "Are you quite done?" Gabrielle wonders, "Shoot him, honey!" Mike readies himself to squeeze the trigger, and he fires. What happens next is quite the blur. The important thing is that the bullet doesn't hit Joe – it hits his sword instead. Or at least, after Liz steps in and picks it up, thus saving her now ex-boyfriend. "Go," she tells the Kahns, still wielding the sword, and they drop their gun and run away in fright. "This damn town!" Mike yells as he disappears around a corner with his wife. "Why did you save me?" Joe questions. "If that bullet had hit you, then Jdg98 would be free," Liz points out. "Isn't that what you want?" "No," she says, "Not yet. You're not… ready." "What the hell does that mean?" "I need to prepare you for your future. I need to make sure that when Jdg98 does emerge, he's at maximum strength." "How do you plan to do that?" Joe is curious. "Simple," she says, "I'm going to darken your heart. Don't get me wrong, I'm not going to force you to become Jdg98. When the time comes, Joe… you yourself are going to want it." She scales another building and continues her way home. "Hey!" Joe yells after her, "That's my sword!" But there's no getting it back now. He sighs, and just picks up his stuff. "Joe…" Samantha is saying back in time, "I've known you since you were a baby. I was the one the Kahns brought you to when they found you on the side of that road." "I know," Joe tells her. "And I can spot when you're not happy. So why aren't you?" Joe sits there, thinking about telling this woman the truth… but then he sees Gabrielle spying on him through the door, and he sighs. "I am happy," he lies, "The Kahns are wonderful people, and even better parents." "You're sure?" Mrs. Silver questions. "I am… they're the best thing that's ever happened to me." Gabrielle smiles from outside the room. Once Samantha's left, Joe is approached by the Kahns. Matthew claps the boy, and Gabrielle tells him, "Well done. This year we might even throw you a birthday party. You know, if there isn't a social that weekend or something. Meh, you know what? Scratch that. We'll just forget. But hey, well done." "Well done for lying… great parenting," Joe utters to himself. "What's that?" Mike asks. "Nothing." "You're damn right nothing," says Gabrielle, "You know what today proved? It proved that we own you. You are under our control. And you'll do well to remember that, okay?" Joe nods. The Kahns, in the present, are driving out of Storywik as fast as they can, putting pedal to the metal. "What about the money, and the car?" Gabrielle asks her husband, who's driving. "Stuff that, I'm not staying here another second!" he insists. They come up to the sign which reads Leaving Storywik, but, suddenly, the airbags deploy and the car stops suddenly. They've driven into the mystical barrier surrounding the town. They can't leave. "What the hell?" Gabrielle questions. "We're… trapped," Mike deduces. The driver's side window suddenly smashes, and Liz's face appears in it. "Aw well," she says, having belted Rena's sword, liking it. "You… you saved him!" Gabrielle remembers. "That I did," she says, "But I did you a favor. If you kill him, quick and easy, he wouldn't suffer. What I have in mind for your son… well, let's just say it makes your little revenge scheme back there look like child's play. But I'm going to need a little help to get it done. You guys in?" The married couple appear intrigued. Emma is lazing about in her room at the Bed & Breakfast, soon deciding to go to the window and open it to let some air in. Outside, Joanna is looking up and watching her. She thinks about going inside and visiting her daughter… but she can't quite bring herself to do it. She sighs, a tear filling her eye, and she ends up walking away. From nearby, Joanna is being watched as well… by her sister. Divina Peep stares on, curious, now awake and roaming the town. When Joanna leaves, Divina does too, and that just leaves Joe, who approaches the B&B's entrance. Emma, still in her room, moves away from the window when there's a knock at her door. She answers it to Joe, and appears happy. "Hey…" she greets him with a smile. "Hi," he says mopey. "Rough night?" she asks. "I guess you could say that." "I'd invite you in but… the place is kind of a mess." "I don't mind," he assures, and so she allows him to come inside, and the two of them are soon sitting on her bed. "I don't even know why I'm here," Joe admits, "I just felt kind of like I… needed to see you." "That's nice," she says. "She's gone…" Joe whines, "She's… really gone." He begins to cry and Emma assures him that it's okay, encouraging him to let it all out. She comforts him with a hug and he looks up at her… they kiss. It's a long kiss, but Emma finally breaks it off. "I… don't want to be taking advantage of you in this state," she says, sighing. "Right…" Joe nods, "Let's just… forget that ever happened. I'll see you around." He exits her room, closing the door behind him. Inside, Emma seems sad to have let him go. Category:Season 4 Category:Episodes Category:Joe-Centric